In the Shadows
mixed with a little light discovery
I’m sitting here, writing out my “meme Ikigai” for yet another Erick Godsey Dharma Artist project. I am utterly obsessed with this man, all he stands for, and how desperately he protects art. Even the artists who have yet to discover they are artists.
Here’s the blog post he posted if you’re interested in reading into this topic a little deeper. This photo below is Dan Buettner’s Ikigai concept, remixed by Marc Winn.
Step 4 of the project asks - What does the world need? What are your current pain points in society now? What will bring you to tears if you focus on for moments, in the world?
Here is the thing… I just got through writing all about my perfect dream life in step 1. All the things I would do if money, fear, and reality were not in place to create the hurdles I experience on the day-to-day. I wrote about having someone who meal-preps for me, someone who grows 365, and another who runs the ranch while I “galavant” through life.
Now jump back to step 4… I write:
“It destroys me when I see people giving away their freedoms, autonomy, and responsibilities all for the perceived possibility of comfort and ease…
Guys! Sometimes this journaling thing is brutal. I mean, within a matter of 2 pages I uncovered one of MY shadows while holding the world accountable.
“Why does this matter Krystel?”, you might be thinking.
Here’s why…
(images found on Pinterest)
Our shadows are hiding in plain sight. They are sitting out on the curb right in front of our homes. They are waiting. Waiting silently… or so we think. But I’m becoming more and more comfortable with the realization that these shadows are actually quite the opposite of silent. They are destructive little fuckers or disrespectful 7 year old children… whatever works best for you. They are sitting here in desperate need of attention, understanding, and curiosity. They are saying, “TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER… Sound the alarms!!! Maybe she will notice us this time!”
(images found on Pinterest)
When you sit back and start to notice what you say you hate in others or what you wish people would change or how you dislike a belief someone holds… do yourself a kindness… go home, look in the mirror, deep into the eyes of your soul, and ask, “what is it in that person that triggered something in me? Why is this something I feel the need to dismantle? How can this relate to something I experience in the deepest parts of myself? What about that situation is familiar? Have I ever judged myself for something like that?” And I promise you, at that moment, you will meet a shadow that has been hiding in plain sight. One of your unbeloved truths. Something that might make you feel a twinge of disgust for yourself. A judgment that you have placed on you and by proxy… others.
Shadow self and shadow work, never really made a whole lot of sense to me when I started to deep dive into how the minds of little t and big T trauma survivors worked. (side note… big or little t, it’s all of us) I understood that there were parts of us that hid from our conscious mind. They strayed away from our egos, trying to protect us from knowing the truth about ourselves… ready for this bomb?
The truth is none of us are perfect. Woah, woah, woah!!!! You’re probably thinking, “Obviously, I know that I’m not perfect.” And that’s great. You probably have cute little quirky things that don’t hang in the shadows of you, that you feel a lot less embarrassed or ashamed to share. “When I wake up I look like road kill.” or “I have yelled at my kid, in the heat of a triggered moment.” or “I have a secret pleasure of eating Del Taco alone in my car hidden away from people.” But the thing with all these things is we know them. We understand their reasons and their purpose, but we don’t know our shadows quite as well. Our shadows are most easily found in the mirror of others or how we view the world.
Okay, okay. So what to do now with this information? NOTICE. That is all you need to do now. Get curious and notice when that familiar feeling bubbles up inside you. See when it appears and why. What are its triggers, then with a little extra curiosity, wonder what that reaction might have saved you from in the past. Just think on it. The more you notice them, the more you’ll become familiar enough to slow the reactions down. The better you will be able to understand yourself. The better you will flow through the world. More harmoniously.
